Cee is for Characters

He seemed scary during our first meeting: manic, with short, cropped graying hair, grizzled beard, with no teeth. He was our neighbor after having moved into a new quiet neighborhood in 2002. As he began to to share stories from his tour in Viet Nam, his conversations, vivid with detail, sent shivers up my spine. As a result, I wouldn't allow my two children outside if "Spanky" was sitting on his porch.

A constant smoker, Spanky's voice is deep and rough, and projects easily even though he might be trying to whisper. He's the type of person who has to get in close and talk, sending a spray of spit with each word, due to the lack of teeth.

A proud Viet Nam veteran, Spanky often spoke of his mission to eradicate illegal drugs from the streets of our small town. He boasted loudly enough for the neighborhood to hear of his exploits in saving the town from the threat of "druggies" who were over-taking the streets.

My first experience with him came during our first full summer at the new house. A knock on our front door, with the borough's chief of police ordering us to evacuate due to an investigation of Spanky's apartment sent us out of the house. We watched from the sidewalk as federal agents and state police, and finally, the local media, arrived on scene after receiving a tip that Spanky had mailed threatening letters to then-President George W. Bush. Finding Spanky's small collection of military grenades, authorities hauled him off to the local mental health unit where he stayed for a period of time before being released.

This incident alone should have warranted feelings of fear, yet despite the wild stories he told, he seemed genuine. We would learn later that he never served in the military, but instead had been kicked out of boot camp for mental instability, or so we had been told. Such extreme detail to the background of his stories is crucial, so accurate that surely he must have been privvy to the horrors of war.

More importantly, he regales each presidential administration since his discharge from the military, and how each president since 1972 has specifically endorsed Spanky as a machine to fight the war on drugs. His right eye contains a camera that allows each president to see what Spanky sees; his left ear contains a microphone which is a two-way receiver and allows the president to speak orders directly to him while giving the president audio of Spanky's surroundings.

There are other incidents of outrageous behavior Spanky exhibited, such as wearing a Scottish kilt and beret, and directing traffic one summer day; Spanky placing an ad as a hit man in the local weekly newspaper; becoming embroiled in heated arguments with his younger brother Eddie which would result in a few weeks' stay in the mental health unit.

One of the more heart-breaking situations came on Memorial Day in 2005. Dressed in combat fatigues, he arrived late at the Memorial Day cemetery observances. Members of the women's auxiliary of the American Legion began to point, laugh and roll their eyes at his presence. He left the cemetery humiliated and vowed to never attend again.

He would watch my son play with toy swords in the side yard, then unexpectedly present him with a replacement when my son's sword broke. "He reminds me of me when I was a kid," he'd simply say and expect nothing in return.

When my mother passed away in 2004, followed by my father in 2007, he was quick to send a sympathy card and shared a few memories involving my parents.

Spanky became the best neighbor we have ever had. When we bought a house in 2008, we had to move away. We promised Spanky that we'd have him over for supper some time, but we have never followed through with that promise. I'm not sure why.